Passing the Torch: The Power of Mentoring and the Hero’s Journey

In the latest episode of the “Our Story Your Story” podcast, hosts Shelley Carney and Toby Younis read and discuss Chapter 11 of the fascinating novel “A Gypsy’s Kiss” titled “Passing the Torch.” 

Watch the video or download the podcast

This episode explores the profound themes of mentorship, personal growth, and the hero’s journey. 

The Bond Between a Rider and their Motorcycle

Motorcycles hold a special place in the hearts of their riders, symbolizing freedom, rebellion, and adventure. 

There’s a unique thrill that comes with straddling a powerful machine, feeling the wind rush past, and navigating the open road with a sense of liberation.

Motorcycles embody a spirit of freedom, allowing riders to break free from the constraints of everyday life and experience the world in a whole new way. They evoke a sense of individuality and nonconformity. 

Whether it’s the sleek design, the rumbling engine, or the adrenaline-inducing speed, motorcycles have an innate ability to ignite our sense of adventure and ignite a passion for the open road. 

They become more than just a mode of transportation; they become an embodiment of our desire to explore, push boundaries, and embrace the exhilaration of the unknown.

“Back in the olden days, the cowboys loved their horses. We didn’t have horses, but motorcycles were our horses. We’d love them. We took care of them. We managed them. They gave us transportation. They gave us sex appeal. They gave us coolness. They gave us all of those things, and your motorcycle was pretty much your best friend.” — Toby Younis

Uncle Carlos, in “A Gypsy’s Kiss,” treasures his motorcycle and expects it to be treated with care, reflecting the bond between a rider and their beloved machine. 

“What he was expressing was this is my baby. Right? You’re going to have to take care of it in the same way that you would have to take care of my daughter if I was going to trust you with my daughter.”— Toby Younis

It serves as a metaphor for treating loved ones with respect and consideration.

A Mentor and Guide

Mentors play a significant role in our lives, providing invaluable support, wisdom, and guidance on our journey of self-discovery. 

They are the guiding lights who offer their knowledge and experiences to help us navigate the challenges and uncertainties we encounter. 

Mentors provide a safe space for us to explore our potential, offering encouragement and belief in our abilities. They share their wisdom, passing down lessons learned from their own life journeys, empowering us with valuable insights and perspectives. 

Mentors nurture our growth, challenging us to reach beyond our comfort zones and unlocking our hidden potential. They become our sounding boards, offering advice, and helping us make informed decisions. Their influence extends beyond the practical realm; mentors inspire us to embrace our passions, pursue our dreams, and become the best versions of ourselves. 

Through their unwavering support and mentorship, we gain the confidence and resilience to face life’s challenges head-on, knowing that we have someone in our corner who believes in us. 

The significance of mentors lies in their ability to shape our lives, provide guidance in times of uncertainty, and foster our personal and professional growth.

Uncle Carlos emerges as a mentor figure for Miguel, offering valuable life lessons and guidance. 

“I think that’s the mentor role he was playing. He had the experience. He had the knowledge. He had the equipment. He had the advice to give for what I was about to do, and so playing the mentor role enabled him to ensure that I was going to be able to make my journey as safely as he could make it.” — Toby Younis

He recognizes Miguel’s desire for independence and understands the importance of fostering his growth. 

Uncle Carlos embodies the significance of mentors in our lives, providing support and wisdom, and nurturing our journey of self-discovery.

“You can go back to those early years that created the beginnings of your life’s direction. There will be a mentor. Someone who helped you get to whatever the next step in that particular adventure was, and that influenced you enough to have made you different and better as a person.” — Toby Younis

Reflections on Parenthood and Protectiveness

When a child expresses a desire for independence, it often stirs up a whirlwind of mixed feelings for parents. 

On one hand, there is an immense sense of pride in witnessing their child growing up, gaining confidence, and developing a sense of autonomy. It is a testament to their nurturing and guidance that their child is ready to take on new challenges and explore the world on their own terms. 

However, alongside this pride, there is an undercurrent of worry. Parents naturally want to protect their children, shield them from harm, and ensure their safety. The thought of their child venturing into the unknown can evoke feelings of anxiety and concern. 

Balancing these conflicting emotions is a delicate task, as parents must find a way to support their child’s desire for independence while also providing a safety net and offering guidance when needed. 

It is a bittersweet journey, filled with a mix of pride, worry, and unwavering love that propels parents to let their children spread their wings while still being there to catch them if they fall.

“I don’t think I would have let any of my children do the same thing no matter what I thought of it or what my experience had been in it. I would not allow them to put themselves at that kind of risk at the age of fifteen.”— Toby Younis

He acknowledges the delicate balance between protection and trust, highlighting the challenges faced by mentors and parents alike.

Embracing Mentors in the Hero’s Journey

The hero’s journey is a timeless narrative structure found in numerous works of literature. 

Mentors play a crucial role in the hero’s journey, guiding and safeguarding them along their path, ensuring their safety and success. 

Just as a seasoned traveler provides a map and compass to an explorer, mentors offer wisdom, experience, and invaluable insights to the hero. 

Mentors provide a steady hand, offering guidance and advice, enabling the hero to make informed decisions and empowering them to tap into their full potential. They share their knowledge, teaching the hero vital skills and imparting the wisdom gained from their own trials and tribulations. 

Mentors also serve as guardians, offering protection and support when the hero faces adversity. With their guidance, the hero gains the strength and resilience to face challenges head-on, ultimately leading them to triumph and personal growth. 

“If you have a mentor, they’re going to guide you in the direction that they feel is in your best interest, and they’re going to prepare you for what you’re going to need along the way to get to your goal.” — Shelley Carney

Toby reflects on the transformative power of the hero’s journey and emphasizes the potential for each person to become a mentor through their own experiences.

“After you’ve experienced your hero’s journey, you should have gained enough new experience, both positive and negative, in order to act as a mentor towards whoever is following their hero’s journey and you happen to pop up at the right time and the right place to behave as their mentor.”— Toby Younis

Personal Growth through Coaching and Mentoring

Personal growth through coaching and mentoring is a transformative journey of self-discovery and development. 

Coaches and mentors provide a unique space for individuals to explore their goals, aspirations, and challenges in a supportive and non-judgmental environment. 

Through their guidance, individuals gain clarity, set meaningful objectives, and develop actionable plans to achieve their desired outcomes. 

Coaches and mentors help individuals identify their strengths, overcome limitations, and unlock their true potential. They offer valuable insights, share experiences, and provide constructive feedback that promotes self-reflection and growth. 

The relationship between coach/mentor and individual fosters accountability, motivation, and resilience, allowing individuals to overcome obstacles and stay focused on their path to personal growth. 

With the guidance and support of a coach or mentor, individuals gain confidence, develop new skills, and cultivate a deeper understanding of themselves. 

The transformative impact of coaching and mentoring empowers individuals to reach new heights, overcome challenges, and lead fulfilling lives aligned with their values and aspirations.

Toby draws on his experience as a soccer coach, recognizing the impact he could have on young players’ lives. 

“The place where I gained the most confidence as a mentor was when I started coaching girls’ soccer. Because those five-year-old little girls are about to begin a journey of confidence building through sport and athleticism that you’re going to have either a positive or negative influence on, and I wanted to make sure I was a positive influence.” — Toby Younis

Coaching provided him with an opportunity to mentor and guide, highlighting the importance of not causing harm while imparting knowledge. He emphasizes that mentoring is possible in any area where one possesses expertise, skills, and emotional intelligence.

Reflecting on Generational Differences and Safety Concerns

Contrasting attitudes towards travel and adventure among different generations reveal fascinating shifts in perspectives and priorities. 

Older generations often approach travel and adventure with caution, prioritizing stability, security, and the comforts of familiarity. They may have been hesitant to venture into the unknown because of a desire for stability and a fear of the risks involved. 

In contrast, younger generations embrace travel and adventure as essential components of personal growth and self-discovery. They seek experiences that push boundaries, challenge norms, and provide opportunities for exploration and cultural immersion. 

Younger generations often prioritize experiences over possessions, valuing the memories and connections forged through travel and adventure. 

The contrasting attitudes reflect the evolving desires and values of each generation, as well as the impact of globalization and increased connectivity. 

While older generations may have focused on building a stable foundation, younger generations embrace the transformative power of travel and adventure as they seek to broaden their horizons and gain a deeper understanding of the world and themselves.

Toby touches on the increase in awareness of crimes and safety concerns in society, acknowledging the need for caution while still encouraging exploration and personal growth.

“I remember the summer after my daughter’s junior year at the University of Tennessee. Erica said she wasn’t coming home for the summer. And I said, why not? And she said I’m going to study anthropology in Cyprus for the summer. That sent a whole electric shock through me because I imagined all the possible things that could go wrong.”— Toby Younis

Recommendations and Action Steps

Mentors play an integral role in our personal growth and development. By embracing the hero’s journey and seeking mentors, we can navigate the challenges of life and discover our true potential. 

Based on the insights and advice shared in this blog post, here are three action steps you can take to embrace the power of mentoring, personal growth, and adventure:

Seek a Mentor

Find a mentor who aligns with your goals and values. Look for someone who can provide guidance, support, and valuable insights on your journey of personal growth. 

Whether it’s a professional mentor, a life coach, or someone with expertise in a specific area of interest, having a mentor can greatly accelerate your progress and help you navigate challenges with confidence.

Embrace Your Hero’s Journey 

Recognize that personal growth often comes from stepping outside your comfort zone. 

Embrace the hero’s journey by seeking new adventures, experiences, and opportunities for self-discovery. 

Challenge yourself to explore unfamiliar territories, take calculated risks, and learn from both successes and setbacks. 

Allow yourself to grow, evolve, and tap into your full potential as you embark on your unique path of self-discovery.

Share Your Knowledge and Experiences 

Pay it forward by becoming a mentor yourself. 

Share your knowledge, experiences, and insights with others who can benefit from your guidance. 

Whether it’s in your personal or professional life, mentoring allows you to make a positive impact on someone else’s journey, fostering their growth and helping them unlock their potential. 

By becoming a mentor, you not only contribute to someone else’s development but also deepen your own understanding and gain new perspectives.

Remember, personal growth is an ongoing process, and embracing the power of mentoring and adventure can lead to profound transformations in your life. 

Take these action steps and embark on your journey towards self-discovery, guided by the wisdom and support of mentors and the exhilaration of new experiences. 

Embrace the hero within you and unlock the boundless possibilities that await on your path of personal growth and fulfillment.

This blog post only scratches the surface of the insightful discussion in the “Our Story Your Story” podcast episode. To gain a deeper understanding of the themes explored and to hear Shelley Carney and Toby Younis share their perspectives, we invite you to listen to the full episode. 

Reckoning: Exploring Courage, Freedom, and Family Connections

Welcome to our latest podcast episode of “Our Story Your Story,” where we embark on a thrilling journey of self-discovery and adventure. In this episode, titled “Reckoning: Exploring Courage, Freedom, and Family Connections,” we discuss the themes that make Chapter 10 of “A Gypsy’s Kiss” truly captivating.

Understanding the Hero’s Journey

To kick things off, we explore the concept of the hero’s journey as a powerful narrative framework.

Our host, Toby Younis, shares his unique perspective on each assignment in his life, relating them to mini hero’s journeys. As Toby says, “Every assignment had its own beginning, middle, and end,” and “unexpected challenges along the way tested my ability to overcome obstacles.”

Toby’s Courageous Choices

We then delve into Toby’s personal journey, starting with his bold decision to leave college and join the military in 1969. Despite facing opposition, Toby’s unwavering confidence in his path shines through.

We discuss his experiences in the military and the valuable lessons he learned along the way. Toby reflects, “I faced opposition, but deep down, I knew it was the right path for me,” and “through hard work and undesirable jobs, I shaped the course of my life.”

The Poppy Crop Connection

One of the most intriguing aspects of Toby’s journey is his involvement with the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA).

We uncover a shocking revelation about the Chinese military’s involvement in the poppy trade, leading to Toby’s detention and subsequent return to Washington for debriefing.

Toby shares, “I had firsthand experience collecting evidence on the poppy crop, which caused a significant uproar,” and “My work with the DEA opened my eyes to the complexity of the drug trade.”

Battle of Courage and Consequences

In this segment, we hear Toby’s reflections on choices, consequences, and the transformative power of masculine relationships.

Toby contemplates the impact of his decisions as he encounters a powerful symbol of reckoning. He shares, “The sight of that revolver made me contemplate the choices I’ve made and their consequences,” and “My uncle’s challenging and teasing nature taught me the importance of facing obstacles with courage.”

Trust, Betrayal, and Resilience

The importance of trust and its rarity in today’s world takes center stage in this section.

Toby reflects on the loss of trust as he recounts the sale of his motorcycle by his mother without an apology. Yet, he also recalls a time when a home became a safe haven. Trust and resilience intertwine, reminding us of the enduring power of human connections.

Embracing the Hero’s Journey in Life

As the episode nears its conclusion, we encourage our listeners to embrace life as a series of adventures and opportunities for growth.

Toby and Shelley share their excitement for their next adventure, underscoring the anticipation of rewards that come from embracing the hero’s journey.

They emphasize that every job, every promotion, and every opportunity in life is a new hero’s journey waiting to be embraced.

We invite our readers to reflect on their own hero’s journeys and the courage it takes to embrace them. As we part ways, we leave you with this thought-provoking quote: “Every successful hero’s journey leads to growth, change, and personal improvement, making us better individuals.”

Join us for this riveting episode of “Our Story Your Story” as we navigate the realms of courage, freedom, and family connections. Remember, your story is waiting to be told!

Kevin Carney: a Hero to Me

Over the weekend, we held a memorial Celebration of Life for my husband Kevin. I’d like to share my tribute to him with you here.

Kevin Joseph Carney was born on March 2, 1962, at the Tempe Community Hospital in Tempe, Arizona, where his mother, Vicky, worked as a nurse. Kevin was Paul and Vicky’s firstborn, followed by his brothers Brian and Scott.

Kevin and his brothers were active in Boy Scouts, and their parents were scout leaders. They all earned Eagle Scout badges.

Kevin also served as an altar boy at Our Lady of Mt. Carmel Church in Tempe.
He participated in Future Farmers of America, raising animals and crops. He was President of his FFA chapter at Tempe High School in his junior and senior years.

Kevin was a year ahead of me in high school. His brother Brian was in my class. I remember walking through the hall at Tempe High with Brian after class one day, and we stopped when he saw Kevin at his locker. He introduced us and I noticed on the inside of his locker door was the poem titled “Footprints in the Sand.”

For those of you who may not know what that is, I’ll share it here.

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You’d walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”

He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.”

This was my first impression of Kevin and I never forgot it. One reason I never forgot is because Kevin was the type of person who would carry me, or anybody else who needed him, during their trials and testings.

Kevin and I were married on a Friday evening on May 4, 1984. We went on our honeymoon to Oahu, Hawaii, and it gave Kevin a chance to wear all his favorite Hawaiian shirts and buy a few more.

Before we got married, Kevin worked for Lockheed Air Terminal fueling airplanes full-time, and for Southwest Airlines cleaning airplanes part time. Then he quit his full-time fueling job, and we hoped he would get a full-time position at Southwest when we came back. Luckily, that’s what happened because we spent all the money in our bank account on our fabulous honeymoon. It sounds crazy now, but we were young and in love and it was a beautiful adventure.

Kevin worked for Southwest Airlines ramp, provisioning, and cargo. But he worked even harder for his fellow employees as a union representative, beginning with ROPA and then TWU Local 555. He spent a large chunk of his life working in and around airplanes. He even got his private pilot’s license back in the day. I remember they used to report the weather based on the temperature and conditions at the airport. I would say, “But who lives at the airport?” He would raise his hand.

Kevin and I were married for 10 years before we had our first child, Alicia. Our deal was that I would carry her for the first 9 months, then he would carry her after that. He had experience caring for his younger brothers and other babies, and I had no idea how to do any of that. But he showed me what to do, and it was another beautiful adventure.

He called Alicia his princess and did everything he could to make her happy.

Then we had our second child, Jared. He was Kevin’s little buddy, and it broke his heart to see him cry or be upset.

Kevin was a wonderful father, and he worked his schedule so he could be present at our kids’ concerts and plays. He even coached their YMCA volleyball teams and chaperoned many school field trips.

He always supported my interests and work, such as teaching preschool, making films, and all the YouTube channels Toby Younis and I created. He loved going treasure hunting with us because he enjoyed being outdoors in the mountains and high desert. He was a curious, lifelong learner who read a lot of books and listened to several podcasts to feed his mind every day.

Jumping ahead to the last several years, Kevin looked forward to retirement, so he would have the time to learn and explore all the things that interested him. In fact, he had an app on his phone that kept a countdown to the minute of his retirement date.

Some other things that fascinated him were 3-D printing toys and gadgets he could give to family and friends, growing a garden and hydroponic plants, learning computer programming, and how to paint scenic landscapes on the computer. He also loved being the anchor on the CoCo Bird Balloon crew. He had a great time chasing after the balloon with the rest of the crew and he even learned to pilot. He loved the adventure of it. A favorite story of his was the first time he flew the balloon. It started to rain and hail, and he had to land fast and hard. (He tells it better)

Kevin liked to make people laugh, and he would joke to break the tension of any situation. He made friends with the doctors and nurses at the cancer clinic and tried to make their day a little brighter. He asked me to bring in candy or muffins to the hospital crew when I came to visit him in the hospital.

In the end, he had to write notes or use gestures because it was too difficult for him to speak. The cancer that started in his tongue had spread throughout his mouth, jaw, and throat. But he didn’t give up trying to make people smile.

What I learned from Kevin is how to love and be loved. How to take care of babies. How to be generous and patient. How to look for and enjoy the adventures in life. And how to never give up trying to make people smile.

Unveiling Emotional Denial and Defense

In the latest episode of the “Our Story Your Story” podcast, Shelley Carney and Toby Younis discuss the profound theme of emotional denial and defense mechanisms. 

This thought-provoking discussion centers around Chapter 9 of “A Gypsy’s Kiss” titled “Breakout,” shedding light on the importance of exploring and understanding these complex emotional responses. 

Watch the video or download the podcast episode. 

Don’t miss this enlightening episode of “Our Story Your Story” as it unravels the layers of emotional denial and defense mechanisms, offering a path towards personal growth and healing. Tune in and embrace the transformative power of self-reflection and emotional understanding.

Read along as we navigate the valuable insights shared in this captivating episode.

Emotional Denial and Defense Mechanisms

Emotional denial and defense mechanisms serve as protective barriers that shield individuals from confronting difficult or painful emotions. 

When faced with overwhelming feelings, such as grief, loss, or trauma, our natural instinct may be to deny or minimize these emotions as a means of self-preservation. 

Defense mechanisms like blaming others, redirecting anger, or suppressing emotions can temporarily alleviate discomfort, allowing us to maintain a sense of control. However, prolonged reliance on these mechanisms can hinder personal growth and healing. 

Understanding and unraveling our emotional denial and defense mechanisms is a vital step toward embracing vulnerability, fostering authentic connections, and embarking on a journey of self-discovery and emotional well-being. 

By exploring these patterns, we can learn to navigate our emotions with greater awareness, compassion, and resilience, ultimately creating space for healing and personal growth.

In this podcast episode, we uncover the layers of emotional denial and defense mechanisms, particularly focusing on how children may project their emotions onto the remaining parent following the loss or separation from the other parent. 

We emphasize the significance of learning how to express and work through emotions, highlighting that it is not something typically taught in our upbringing. 

“When we’re younger, we don’t know how to express or work through our feelings because nobody really teaches us that. Hopefully, by the time we get to our current age, we’ve figured out how to deal with our emotions, and how to express ourselves. That is personal development.”—Shelley Carney

Exploring personal development materials and seeking counseling or coaching offer essential tools for this journey.

“With time, of course, comes the knowledge of life. Death is part of life. It comes sooner or later for everyone. Then you learn how to deal with it progressively better. At some point, I became neutral to the concept of grief.” —Toby Younis

Reflecting on Grief: Struggles and Growth

Reflecting on grief encompasses both the struggles and the growth that accompany the journey of loss. 

When faced with the profound pain of losing a loved one, we often find ourselves grappling with a range of complex emotions, from deep sorrow and loneliness to anger and confusion. 

The process of grieving can be a challenging and deeply personal experience, as we navigate through the waves of grief that ebb and flow. However, amidst the struggles, there is also room for growth and transformation. 

Over time, as we allow ourselves to fully express and process our emotions, we begin to gain insight, wisdom, and resilience. We learn to find meaning in our loss, cherish the memories, and adapt to a new reality. 

Through reflection and self-discovery, we discover our own inner strength and develop a deeper understanding of ourselves and others. 

The journey of grieving is an opportunity for personal growth and healing, as we gradually find our way forward while carrying the love and memories of those we have lost.

We openly reflect on our own struggles with grief and share how time and experiences have helped us gain a deeper understanding of death and its impact. 

“We have to look at our emotions and not just cover them up with humor. I’m feeling overwhelmed today. What can I do about it? Feel the feeling, examine it, and then come up with a plan to help yourself out of it. Feeling overwhelmed usually means I’m looking too far ahead.”—Shelley Carney

We understand that expressing emotions and allowing oneself to grieve is not a sign of weakness, but rather a courageous act that leads to growth and healing.

“Life is existence, death is not. You didn’t die, so it’s not your issue. You’re alive. Your issue is life. not death.”—Toby Younis

Embracing Vulnerability and Humor in Tragedy

Embracing vulnerability and humor in the face of tragedy is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. 

In the midst of heartache and pain, there is often a glimmer of light that emerges through the cracks. 

By allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, acknowledge our emotions and share our experiences, we create space for healing and connection. 

Humor, even in the most difficult of circumstances, can serve as a coping mechanism and a source of strength. It brings levity to the heavy burden we carry and reminds us that laughter can coexist with tears. 

Embracing vulnerability and humor in tragedy is not about diminishing the gravity of the situation, but rather finding moments of solace and release. It is a testament to our ability to find resilience, lift our spirits, and find joy even amidst the darkest times.

As the episode progresses, Shelley and Toby explore the evolving emotions surrounding death and how it has softened their perspective, allowing for greater vulnerability and openness. 

“I think as long as we look for the really good stuff, no matter which path we’re on, you know, we’re going to enjoy our lives.”—Shelley Carney

They share touching anecdotes where humor has unexpectedly found its place amidst tragic situations, revealing the resilience of the human spirit.

“What’s that saying? Tragedy plus time equals comedy.”—Toby Younis

Surprising Connections

Life is woven with surprising connections, and in the realm of grief, these connections can hold transformative power. 

As we navigate the depths of our sorrow, unexpected encounters and long-forgotten memories resurface, offering us new perspectives on grief. 

These connections act as threads that interlace our past and present, allowing us to see the interconnectedness of our experiences. 

They serve as poignant reminders of the significance and impact of our loved ones, stirring both joy and sadness within us. 

These surprising connections bring forth a profound understanding that grief is not linear, but rather an ever-evolving tapestry that weaves through our lives. 

Through these connections, we gain insights into the intricate ways in which our grief intertwines with our personal growth, prompting us to reflect, appreciate, and cherish the memories of those we have lost.

“When I had my second child, the week before I gave birth, I was experiencing a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions every night. It’s a preparation for the birth. It’s the same as when Kevin passed. Because we grieved all along the way, it was an easier recovery.”— Shelley Carney

Life is full of surprising connections, and Shelley and Toby recount personal stories that highlight this phenomenon. 

“By the time I got back from my first tour of Vietnam, I wasn’t angry at my father anymore. The energy had been used up.”—Toby Younis

Accepting Responsibilities and Owning Emotions

Accepting responsibilities and owning emotions are crucial steps on the path to personal growth and healing. 

When we face challenging situations or navigate through grief, it is essential to take ownership of our emotions and the role we play in shaping our lives. 

Accepting responsibility means acknowledging that we have agency and influence over our thoughts, actions, and reactions. It empowers us to take proactive steps in processing our emotions, seeking support when needed, and making choices that align with our well-being. 

Owning our emotions requires us to embrace vulnerability and authenticity, allowing ourselves to feel and express our true feelings without judgment or suppression. 

By taking responsibility for our emotions, we can actively engage in self-reflection, seek inner understanding, and embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing. 

Ultimately, this process empowers us to cultivate emotional resilience and create a more fulfilling and intentional life.

Shelley’s determination and growth in handling her responsibilities after her husband’s death become a focal point of the discussion. 

“She’s taking care of business, and it’s really impressive to watch her every day move a little bit forward.”—Toby Younis

She and Toby stress the importance of accepting personal responsibility and making plans for personal growth, acknowledging that true growth occurs when we avoid blaming external factors.

“Getting to acceptance is your primary directive. If you can’t get to acceptance, you won’t be able to move on.”—Shelley Carney

Recommendations and Action Steps

The themes explored, such as embracing vulnerability, accepting responsibility, and learning to express and work through emotions, inspire us to embark on our own journey of personal growth and healing. 

We encourage you to explore your own emotional denial and defense mechanisms, seeking opportunities for growth and understanding. 

Here are three action steps you can take this week to act on the advice shared in this blog post:

Engage in Self-Reflection 

Set aside dedicated time to reflect on your emotional denial and defense mechanisms. 

Journal about your patterns, triggers, and any unresolved emotions. Write down your thoughts, feelings, and observations, allowing yourself to gain deeper insights into your own emotional landscape.

Seek Support and Guidance 

Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist to discuss your experiences with grief and emotional struggles. 

Share your reflections and seek their perspective and support. Consider engaging in counseling or coaching sessions to help you navigate your emotions, develop effective coping strategies, and cultivate personal growth.

Embrace Vulnerability and Express Emotions

Challenge yourself to embrace vulnerability and express your emotions in a safe and supportive environment. 

Allow yourself to feel and process your grief, acknowledging that it is a natural and necessary part of the healing process. 

Find healthy outlets for emotional expressions, such as journaling, art, music, or engaging in conversations with trusted individuals who can hold space for your emotions.

Remember, healing and personal growth take time and patience. By taking these actionable steps, you are investing in your well-being and embracing the transformative power of self-reflection, support, and emotional authenticity.

We hope the insights gained from Our Story Your Story provide valuable guidance to navigate the complexities of emotions that lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Mastering the Art of Compromise: Strengthening Relationships, Communication, and Personal Growth

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In a recent episode of “Our Story Your Story,” titled “A Journey of Compromise and Choices | A Gypsy’s Kiss Chapter 8,” Shelley Carney and Toby Younis discuss the profound topic of compromise and its role in shaping our lives. 

Through personal anecdotes and reflections, they explore how compromise is essential for fostering better relationships, practicing effective communication, and achieving personal growth. 

This blog post explores the valuable insights shared in the episode and offers practical takeaways that can be applied to various aspects of our lives.

Compromise as a Tool for Better Relationships

Compromise serves as a powerful tool for nurturing and strengthening relationships. 

It involves finding a middle ground that respects the needs and desires of both parties involved. 

Rather than viewing compromise as a loss or surrender, it should be seen as an opportunity to foster understanding, empathy, and collaboration. 

By actively engaging in compromise, individuals can create an environment of mutual respect, where both perspectives are valued. 

It enables open and effective communication, allowing conflicts to be resolved with grace and without damaging the relationship. 

Compromise acts as a bridge, connecting individuals with diverse opinions and helping them build a foundation of trust and cooperation. Ultimately, it is through compromise that relationships flourish, grow, and stand the test of time.

Toby emphasizes that compromise is not a zero-sum game, but rather a tool for building healthy relationships based on mutual understanding and respect. 

“A compromise that results in a solution equally beneficial to both parties is necessary for a healthy relationship.” — Toby Younis

The Balancing Act of Father-Son Relationships

Father-son relationships entail a delicate balancing act that requires understanding, patience, and empathy. 

Both parties often navigate the fine line between asserting independence and honoring the wisdom passed down through generations. 

Fathers strive to guide their children while allowing them the freedom to forge their own paths. 

Sons, on the other hand, seek to establish their individuality while acknowledging the invaluable experiences and insights of their fathers. 

This intricate dance of compromise involves recognizing and respecting each other’s perspectives, finding common ground, and appreciating the unique bond that exists between fathers and sons. It is within this delicate balance that a strong foundation is built, fostering mutual respect, love, and personal growth for both father and son.

Shelley and Toby discuss the intricate dynamics of father-son relationships and the art of compromise within this context. 

Toby shares his personal experiences, including the loss of his father, which taught him invaluable lessons about finding balance and understanding between generations. 

Shelley reflects on the compromises made by teenagers and the challenges faced by parents.

“Parents have to balance their own desires with societal expectations of raising good citizens.” — Shelley Carney

Communicating with Love as the Foundation

When communication is rooted in love, it becomes a transformative force that nurtures understanding, empathy, and connection. 

By approaching conversations and interactions with love as the foundation, individuals create an atmosphere of safety, trust, and respect. 

Love-infused communication allows for active listening, genuine empathy, and the willingness to truly understand the perspectives and emotions of others. 

It encourages open and honest expression, free from judgment or criticism, fostering an environment where individuals feel seen, heard, and valued. 

With love as the guiding principle, communication becomes a vehicle for healing, growth, and deepening relationships, bridging gaps, and building understanding and compassion. 

Ultimately, when love is at the core of our communication, we empower ourselves to create harmonious connections and nurture the bonds that enrich our lives.

Both Toby and Shelley emphasize the significance of communication grounded in love when engaging in compromise. 

Love becomes the catalyst for finding common ground and creating win-win situations.

“Without love as the foundation of communication, progress cannot be made.” — Toby Younis

Playing Different Roles in Life

Playing different roles in life is a dynamic and essential aspect of personal growth and adaptability. 

Individuals navigate through different roles in their lives, such as being a parent, a partner, a friend, a colleague, and more. 

Each role comes with its own set of responsibilities, expectations, and challenges. 

Adapting to these roles requires the ability to understand and fulfill the specific needs and demands of each situation. It involves embracing versatility, developing empathy, and mastering the art of balancing competing priorities. 

By consciously embodying different roles, individuals gain a broader perspective, enhance their interpersonal skills, and foster deeper connections with others. 

It is through playing different roles that we discover our strengths, navigate complex social dynamics, and ultimately find harmony and fulfillment in the multifaceted tapestry of life.

Toby shares insights into his father’s ability to play various roles in different situations, highlighting the importance of adaptability. 

He emphasizes that being aware of the appropriate roles to play in different aspects of life is crucial for successful compromise. 

“The lesson applies to all opportunities and roles in life, from being a father to coaching a soccer team.” — Toby Younis

Compromise and Selective Choices

Compromise and selective choices go hand in hand as individuals navigate the complexities of life. 

Rather than compromising on every aspect, selective choices involve making intentional decisions about which areas of life are worth compromising on and which are non-negotiable. 

It is a process of self-reflection and prioritization, considering personal values, goals, and desires while also taking into account the needs and perspectives of others.

Selective compromise allows individuals to align their actions with their authentic selves, pursuing what truly matters to them while finding a middle ground that respects the well-being and happiness of those around them. 

By being mindful of when to compromise and when to hold firm, individuals can navigate life’s choices with intention, integrity, and a greater sense of personal fulfillment.

Toby and Shelley advocate for selective compromises, choosing which aspects of our lives are worth compromising on to move forward. 

They encourage listeners to approach compromise as a means of achieving personal growth and satisfaction, while also considering the needs and desires of others. 

The A Gypsy’s Kiss story’s protagonist, Miguel, learns this lesson when he realizes the consequences of making decisions without considering the concerns of his loved ones.

“Compromise shouldn’t be treated as something forced, but a way to get what you want while ensuring that other stakeholders involved get what they want.” — Toby Younis

Politics and the Failure to Compromise

Politics often serves as a glaring example of the consequences of a failure to compromise. 

When personal agendas and rigid ideologies take precedence over finding common ground, progress becomes stagnant, and tensions rise. 

The inability to compromise leads to political deadlock, polarization, and a fractured society. 

Compromise, in the political realm, requires a willingness to set aside individual interests and engage in constructive dialogue to reach mutually beneficial solutions. It demands a focus on the greater good, the recognition of shared values, and the willingness to seek common goals. 

Without compromise, politics becomes a battleground of opposing forces, hindering progress, and impeding the well-being of the community at large. 

When we choose a candidate to vote for, we should remember the vital importance of compromise in fostering collaboration, understanding, and the effective functioning of democratic systems.

Toby draws parallels between personal compromise and the current state of politics. 

“Political deadlock is proof that compromise is often missing, resulting in chaos.” — Toby Younis

By examining this broader context, he emphasizes the urgency and importance of compromise in all areas of life.

Recommendations and Action Steps

The episode of “Our Story Your Story” on compromise serves as a reminder of its transformative power. It teaches us that compromise is not about sacrificing our values but finding common ground and understanding. 

By applying the lessons of compromise to our relationships, communication, and personal choices, we can navigate life’s complexities with greater harmony and fulfillment. 

Let us embrace the art of compromise and cultivate a more empathetic and compassionate world.

Here are three action steps we can take based on the valuable insights shared in this blog post to incorporate the art of compromise and enhance relationships and communication.

Embrace the art of compromise

Make a conscious effort to approach conflicts and disagreements with a mindset of compromise. 

Recognize that compromise is not a sign of weakness but a means of finding common ground and building healthier relationships. 

Practice active listening, empathy, and seeking mutually beneficial solutions.

Communicate with love and understanding

Prioritize love as the foundation of your communication. 

Listen attentively, seek to understand the perspectives of others, and respond with empathy and respect. 

Cultivate an environment where open and honest conversations can take place, free from judgment or criticism. Choose your words and tone carefully, ensuring they reflect care and consideration.

Reflect on selective compromises 

Evaluate different aspects of your life and consider which areas are worth compromising on and which should be held firm. 

Prioritize your values, goals, and personal well-being while also considering the needs and desires of those around you. 

Practice discernment in making selective compromises that align with your authentic self and contribute to your overall fulfillment.

Remember, the art of compromise is a lifelong journey, and it requires consistent practice and self-awareness. By taking these action steps, you can cultivate healthier relationships, foster effective communication, and navigate life’s challenges with grace and understanding.

Navigating Expectations and Trade-offs in Life

Navigating through life involves making choices, often accompanied by trade-offs and the weight of expectations. 

In this thought-provoking episode of Our Story Your Story, Shelley Carney and Toby Younis discuss the significance of personal boundaries and the power of decision-making. They share stories that reflect on the power of high school experiences, examine family expectations, and explore the challenges of parenting.

Watch the video or download the podcast episode.

Join us as we explore the complexities of navigating expectations and trade-offs, and discover how these choices shape our lives.

The Importance of Making Personal Choices

The importance of making personal choices cannot be overstated, as these decisions have the power to shape the course of our lives. 

When we take ownership of our choices, we embrace our individual agency and break free from the constraints of external expectations. 

Personal choices allow us to align our actions with our values, passions, and aspirations, fostering a sense of authenticity and fulfillment. 

By making decisions based on our desires and convictions, we can pursue paths that resonate with our true selves, leading to greater personal growth, self-discovery, and a purposeful and meaningful life. 

Making personal choices empowers us to navigate through life on our terms, and in doing so, we create a future that is uniquely ours.

Toby Younis reflects on his journey of taking control of his life and not allowing external forces to dictate his path. 

“It’s important to make your own decisions and not feel like you’re controlled by other people’s expectations. Recognize that your own choices are about you, and not in a selfish way, but are about you, your life, and your future.” — Toby Younis

By recognizing the significance of personal agency, we can liberate ourselves from the pressures of conforming to societal norms.

“When you do make a decision as an adult and you make it with confidence, then people accept it.” — Shelley Carney

High School and the Power of Choice

For many individuals, high school serves as their initial introduction to society’s expectations and the immense pressure to fit in. 

It is a crucial period where young people navigate the complexities of adolescence while grappling with the desire to be accepted by their peers. 

In high school, social norms and cultural standards become more pronounced, and the fear of deviating from the established norms can be overwhelming. 

The pressure to conform to societal expectations can influence everything from one’s choice of clothing and interests to academic pursuits and future aspirations. 

The high school experience often becomes a pivotal moment in shaping an individual’s identity, as they find the delicate balance between staying true to themselves and the desire to be socially accepted. 

Toby recounts his own experiences, saying, “High school was the first experience I had with society.” 

It was during this time that he learned the value of making choices about his own life without worrying about offending others. 

This newfound autonomy allowed him to explore his passions and pave his own path.

Family Expectations and Understanding Trade-offs

Family expectations play a significant role in shaping our lives and influencing the choices we make. 

From a young age, we often internalize the hopes and dreams our families have for us, whether it be in terms of education, career, or personal relationships. 

While it is natural to desire the approval and support of our loved ones, it is crucial to recognize that fulfilling their expectations may sometimes involve trade-offs. These trade-offs can manifest as sacrificing personal aspirations, compromising on certain values, or conforming to societal norms. 

By understanding the trade-offs involved, individuals can make more informed decisions about their own paths, considering both the desires of their families and their personal fulfillment. 

It is a journey of self-discovery and negotiation, where finding a harmonious balance between family expectations and individual aspirations becomes key to creating a fulfilling and authentic life.

“If I don’t establish my own path, I will spend a life walking somebody else’s path, one that’s not mine.”— Toby Younis

Toby shares insights into his family dynamics, where each member pursued different paths in life. 

His parents had specific expectations for their children and tried to influence their decisions. Toby chose to do things differently. 

“I never had any expectations for where my children would end up,” Toby affirms. 

Exploring the trade-offs of breaking away from prescribed paths, Toby learned the importance of aligning personal choices with individual aspirations.

Parenting and Allowing Children to Make Their Own Decisions

While it is natural for parents to have aspirations for their children, fostering independence and self-determination is equally important. 

By giving children the freedom to make their own choices, parents empower them to develop a sense of autonomy and responsibility. 

Allowing children to make decisions helps cultivate their critical thinking skills, problem-solving abilities, and self-confidence. 

Ultimately, by fostering an environment of trust, open communication, and mutual respect, parents can support their children in becoming self-assured individuals who are capable of making sound decisions and charting their paths in life.

Toby discusses his approach to parenting, which involves allowing his children to make their own decisions. 

“Pushing children in a specific direction can make them more adamant about their own desires.” — Toby Younis

Finding the delicate balance between guidance and allowing independence can be challenging, but it empowers children to shape their futures.

Recommendations

We recommend three action steps to help navigate expectations and trade-offs in life. 

These steps are designed to empower individuals to make personal choices aligned with their authentic selves while fostering an understanding of family dynamics. 

Reflect on Your Personal Choices 

Take some time to reflect on the choices you have made in your life so far. Consider whether those choices were driven by your desires and values or influenced by external expectations. 

Assess if there are areas where you have compromised your aspirations and consider how you can realign your choices with your authentic self.

Communicate Openly with Your Family

Engage in open and honest communication with your family members about expectations and trade-offs. Discuss your own goals and aspirations while also seeking to understand their perspectives. 

Find common ground and explore ways to navigate the tension between family expectations and your fulfillment. 

By fostering understanding and empathy, you can forge a path that respects both your desires and the love and support of your family.

Encourage Self-Determination in Parenting 

If you are a parent, reflect on your approach to parenting and consider how you can encourage self-determination in your children. 

Give them the space to make their own decisions, allowing them to learn from successes and failures. Provide guidance and support while empowering them to develop their own identities and pursue their passions. 

Steps on the Path

These action steps are meant to inspire self-reflection and promote personal growth. Each individual’s situation is unique, so adapt these steps to suit your own circumstances and needs. 

By actively making personal choices, understanding the impact of family expectations, and embracing the challenges of parenting, individuals can shape their lives with intention. 

The choices we make today shape the paths we walk tomorrow.

How Good Sportsmanship, Mentorship, and a Growth Mindset Shape Us

Download the podcast or watch the video

“Whether they won or lost, whether they had scored 10 goals against the team or they had 10 goals scored against them, the most important thing in life at that point was where are we going to get some ice cream?” — Toby Younis

“We need somebody that we trust to share our deepest thoughts and our secrets that have to come out. We need somebody that we can trust to do that.” — Shelley Carney

Building Character and Empowering Others

In the world of sports and personal development, good sportsmanship and mentorship are two vital qualities that can have a profound impact on individuals and communities they belong to.

In our recent video podcast episode, “The Value of Good Sportsmanship | A Gypsy’s Kiss Chapter 6 | Our Story Your Story,” we explore the significance of these qualities and how they shape our lives.

You may find the book, A Gypsy’s Kiss: A Treasure Hunt Adventure on Amazon.

Let’s explore the importance of good sportsmanship and mentorship and their profound effects on personal growth and interpersonal relationships.

Good Sportsmanship

Good sportsmanship is more than a set of rules or guidelines; it reflects an individual’s character and values. Whether it is in the context of sports, school, or any other area of life, good sportsmanship sets the foundation for healthy competition, respect, and fair play. It encompasses qualities like integrity, humility, and kindness.

Poor sportsmanship can have detrimental effects on an individual’s character and mental health. It fosters a culture of negativity, resentment, and hostility.

Good sportsmanship encourages individuals to uphold the highest ethical standards and promotes positive interactions among teammates, opponents, and spectators.

Our podcast episode provides inspiring examples of good sportsmanship.

Toby’s reminiscences about playing baseball highlight the importance of enjoying the sport and embracing the camaraderie it brings.

His advice resonates with the idea that true victory lies not only in winning but also in building relationships and fostering a sense of unity within a team.

“I think it’s more difficult to live without good sportsmanship. Whether you’re a jock or not, apply it to life. You’re going to win some, you’re going to lose some. Your behavior should be the same in each case.” — Toby Younis

Traits of a Good Mentor

A mentor plays a pivotal role in personal and professional growth. They provide guidance, support, and valuable insights to their mentees.

A mentor’s primary aim is to empower others and help them navigate the challenges they face on their journey.

Key qualities of a good mentor include being an attentive listener, offering knowledgeable advice, and guiding the mentee without imposing their own beliefs.

In our podcast episode, we witness the influence of mentorship in various scenarios.

Toby Younis, as a father, offers valuable advice to his daughter, imparting wisdom gained from his own experiences.

Brother Allen serves as a spiritual advisor and wise counselor to his students, embodying the qualities of a mentor who is committed to nurturing their growth.

“You got to do what you got to do. You have to change perspectives when your kids get out of college or when your wife dies. Change perspectives, look at life in a completely different way now, and adjust to it rather than fight reality.” — Toby and Shelley

The Connection Between Good Sportsmanship and Mentorship

The link between good sportsmanship and mentorship becomes clear when we examine the qualities they both embody. Respect, honesty, accountability, and empathy are crucial traits shared by both good sportsmanship and effective mentorship.

When individuals embrace these qualities, they not only excel in their respective endeavors but also inspire and uplift those around them.

By instilling the values of fair play, humility, and integrity, mentors cultivate a positive mindset that transcends competition and permeates all aspects of their mentees’ lives.

The qualities of good sportsmanship encourage individuals to contribute to a positive and supportive environment that fosters growth, teamwork, and mutual respect.

Similarly, mentors play a crucial role in guiding others toward personal and professional success, imparting wisdom, and nurturing their mentees’ potential.

Improving these qualities in ourselves not only enhances our individual lives but also strengthens our relationships with others.

“Not that they should be pro sports or anti sports, but they should be pro good sportsmanship.” — Toby Younis

Unlocking Personal Growth: Cultivating Essential Skills and Embracing Resilience

In our quest for personal growth and development, it is essential to shift our focus from seeking constant instruction to cultivating vital skills that empower us to navigate life’s challenges.

Instead of relying solely on a predetermined set of guidelines, we can nurture qualities such as creativity, independence, self-confidence, ingenuity, and the ability to problem-solve. By doing so, we foster resilience rather than rigidity, enabling us to adapt and thrive in a rapidly changing world.

When we prioritize strategic thinking over purely tactical approaches, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and broader perspectives.

While tactics may provide short-term solutions, a strategic mindset encourages us to consider the long-term implications and anticipate potential obstacles.

It is through strategic thinking that we unlock innovative solutions, find hidden opportunities, and make more informed decisions that align with our goals and values.

In this journey of personal growth, it is crucial to recognize the value of being taught rather than simply being given answers.

Embracing a learning mindset allows us to absorb knowledge, insights, and wisdom from others who have walked similar paths before us.

“I had a bunch of different influencers on both ends of that spectrum, from adventurous to pragmatic.” — Toby Younis

Actively seeking guidance and mentorship from experienced individuals who embody the qualities we aspire to develop can accelerate our growth and broaden our horizons.

Learning Resilience

Amidst life’s trials and tribulations, the anticipation of a new, fulfilling existence propels us forward.

Personal growth is not merely about following instructions; it is about cultivating essential skills, embracing resilience, and nurturing a strategic mindset.

Let us embrace personal growth as a lifelong journey, guided by these principles, to unlock the fullest expression of our authentic selves.

A Life Well-Lived: Navigating Life’s Sharp Turns and Continuing the Journey

Life is a series of twists and turns, unpredictable and ever-changing.

Sometimes, our path takes an unexpected sharp turn, challenging us to summon strength and resilience we never knew we possessed. It is in these moments that we realize the true essence of a life well-lived—a life defined not by the destination but by the courage, love, and growth we experience along the way.

For some of us, the journey takes a heartbreaking turn with the loss of a loved one.

In the case of my husband, his journey has reached its earthly conclusion with his passing. The profound impact he made on my life and the lives of others will forever be cherished and remembered.

Yet, as his journey comes to a close, mine continues on, reshaped by the sharp turn fate has presented me.

It is during these times of immense loss and grief that we recognize the fragility of life and the depths of our own strength.

As my journey takes a sharp turn, I face new challenges and opportunities for growth.

The path ahead is uncharted, and the weight of grief lingers, but I continue to move forward, honoring the memory of my husband while embracing the future that awaits me.

It is in this space that we discover the incredible capacity of the human spirit to adapt, evolve, and find a new purpose.

We find solace in pursuing our passions, nurturing our relationships, and making a positive impact in the world. Each step forward becomes a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, an affirmation that life, even in the face of profound loss, can still be meaningful and fulfilling.

Packing away the clothing and personal items of my husband, Kevin, is an emotional journey that walks a delicate tightrope between nostalgia and depression. Each piece of clothing, each cherished possession, carries a flood of memories, reminding me of the person I have lost and the beautiful moments we shared.

It is a natural and overwhelming experience as grief resurfaces with every item I handle. The weight of sadness bears down on me, threatening to pull me into a spiral of despair.

To stay on the positive side of things, I consciously choose to embrace a mindset of gratitude and celebration.

I find solace in the love that these belongings represent. I acknowledge the role each item played in Kevin’s life, and ‌our life together. I find comfort in knowing that even as I pack away these belongings, the love and memories they hold will forever remain in my heart, guiding me forward as I navigate this journey of healing and remembrance.

In Loving Memory of Kevin Carney
March 2, 1962 – June 4, 2023

I’d like to share this tribute to my husband, who was a wonderful partner and an inspiration to me throughout our lives together.

Kevin Joseph Carney, a loving husband, father, brother, and friend, embarked on his final journey on June 4, 2023, peacefully at his home in Rio Rancho, NM. Born on March 2, 1962, in Tempe, AZ, Kevin touched the lives of many with his compassion, dedication, and unwavering love.

Kevin’s journey began in Tempe, where he attended Tempe High School, graduating in 1980. He pursued higher education at ASU, nurturing his thirst for knowledge and shaping his admirable work ethic.

Kevin’s career took flight when he joined Southwest Airlines as a Ramp Agent in 1983, and for an astounding 39 years, he dedicated himself to the airline and his fellow employees. His passion for supporting others led him to become a TWU Union Representative, tirelessly advocating for the rights and well-being of his colleagues.

Beyond his professional endeavors, Kevin’s spirit soared high above the clouds. As a member of the Coco Bird Balloon crew, he reveled in the joy and beauty of the International Balloon Fiestas in Albuquerque. Chasing vibrant balloons dancing across the sky and being an integral member of a fun-loving team brought him immense happiness.

Kevin had a creative soul, and his fascination with 3D printing became a source of delight for his family and friends. His talent and generosity intertwined as he crafted small toys and trinkets, each item carrying a piece of his heart. Kevin’s ability to turn his ideas into tangible creations showcased his ingenuity and provided a lasting legacy of his love.

Within the pages of books, Kevin discovered countless worlds and endless possibilities. Whether diving into novels or exploring the depths of non-fiction, he found solace and enlightenment between the lines. His passion for reading fostered a profound understanding of the human experience, making him a compassionate and empathetic soul.

Above all, Kevin’s love and devotion extended to his cherished family. He leaves behind his beloved wife, Shelley Carney, who stood by his side throughout their 39-year marriage and his recent cancer battle. Their union was a testament to the power of love and unwavering support.

Kevin was a proud and loving father to his children, Alicia Buonviri and Jared Carney, instilling in them the values of compassion, perseverance, and the importance of family. He was a guiding light, offering his wisdom and love whenever they needed it most.

Kevin’s memory will forever live on in the hearts of his two younger brothers, Brian and Scott Carney, as they reminisce about the shared experiences and cherished moments that bound their lives together.

In the tapestry of life, Kevin’s thread was woven with love, generosity, and kindness. He touched the lives of countless individuals with his unwavering support, his unyielding dedication, and his genuine warmth. As we bid farewell to this remarkable soul, let us carry his spirit with us, allowing his legacy of love to guide and inspire us all.

Rest in eternal peace, dear Kevin. You will be deeply missed, but your memory will forever be etched in our hearts.

“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.” – Eskimo Proverb

Embracing New Perspectives: A Gateway to Personal Growth and Empathy

Listen to the podcast or watch the video – choose the perspective that works for you!

In a world that is constantly evolving, it is essential to cultivate an open mind and embrace new perspectives. 

Open-mindedness is the willingness to consider alternative viewpoints and be receptive to diverse experiences and ideas. By being open to new perspectives, we not only enrich our own lives but also foster empathy, understanding, and personal growth. 

In this blog post, we will explore the significance of being open-minded and how it can positively impact our lives. We will draw inspiration from the thought-provoking podcast “Our Story Your Story,” episode titled “Discover a New Perspective | A Gypsy’s Kiss Chapter 5” where Toby Younis and Shelley Carney discuss their experiences and insights on this theme.

Click to subscribe and receive notifications so you don’t miss the next chapter!

Learning from Diverse Experiences

One of the fundamental reasons to embrace new perspectives is the opportunity to learn from diverse experiences. 

“The experiences of other kids from other cities and states and financial situations and other backgrounds was a great eye-opening realization that there is something other than Santa Fe.”

— Toby Younis

Our individual perspectives are shaped by our upbringing, cultural backgrounds, and personal encounters. Embracing diversity allows us to gain a broader understanding of the world and challenges our preconceived notions. 

Toby Younis had a personal experience from his high school days, where attending a diverse school expanded his worldview beyond the boundaries of Santa Fe. This encounter made him realize that there is more to the world than what he had previously known.

“Most of the kids that came from the East Coast came from families that I would say were at the time the classic definition of conservative Republican. They had grown up that way and that’s where their ideas came from. What was interesting is most of the kids that were coming from the West Coast had grown up in families that were liberal Democrats. Almost everything that we talked about in the evenings had some sort of influence that came from that, and you could start debating it. Nobody back then was cultish about their politics. We were all open to the possibility that somebody had a better idea.”

— Toby Younis

Importance of Productive Conversations

Engaging in productive conversations with others is another crucial aspect of being open-minded. 

“I learned to start having conversations and then learned from the conversations because I realized not everybody thought as I did. That’s where the idea that the more you talk with people, the better person that makes you, came from. If you can have those conversations. Because they bring something different to the table.”

— Toby Younis

By valuing problem-solving and learning from others, we create an environment that fosters growth and understanding. 

Toby had positive experiences from high school conversations. These conversations allowed for the exchange of ideas and the exploration of different perspectives, leading to new insights and expanded horizons.

Expanding Personal Development through New Experiences

Embracing new experiences is a powerful way to develop fresh perspectives. 

Trying new things pushes us beyond our comfort zones and encourages personal growth. 

Toby discusses his decision to join the military, which provided him with a structured environment and new guidelines to navigate life. This experience allowed him to develop a different outlook and gain valuable skills, contributing to his personal growth and development.

“You were with a group of people who had common goals, common objectives, and you were doing it in a civil and sportsmanlike manner following the rules. Everybody agreed on that. There was a camaraderie that came from the fact that you shared these common goals and you did it under the same set of rules.”

— Toby Younis

Learning to Be Open-Minded in Life’s Challenges

Being open to new perspectives extends to how we approach life’s challenges and embrace new roles and responsibilities. 

Shelley Carney exemplifies this through her dedication to caring for her husband. She willingly takes on new responsibilities out of love, showing an open-minded approach to adjusting her perspective and embracing the challenges that life presents.

“My husband and I have been married for 39 years and I attribute a big part of that to the fact that we don’t micromanage each other. He does his thing and I support that and I do what I enjoy and he supports that. Now he’s in this position where he’s losing the ability to take care of himself. That’s hard for anybody, but especially a man who has always been the breadwinner of the family and the dad. Now I’m holding the door for him instead of the other way around. So we’re both having to learn a new perspective that I am capable of taking care of us as a family. That is new for both of us.”

— Shelley Carney

Seeking Advice to Gain the Big Picture Perspective

“Yesterday when I was looking for advice, I went to a credit union, I went to a bank, and I went to you (Toby). To each one, I explained, “I need advice, and I came to you because I’m in the middle of this and I can’t see everything. But you can.”

— Shelley Carney

When we find ourselves in the midst of a problem or facing a challenging situation, it’s difficult to maintain a broad perspective. In such moments, seeking advice from trusted individuals can be immensely helpful in gaining a big-picture perspective.

Identifying Trusted Advisors

The first step is to identify individuals whom you trust and respect, and who have experience or expertise in the relevant area. 

These advisors can be mentors, friends, family members, or professionals who have navigated similar situations before. 

Their guidance and insights can offer valuable perspectives that you may have overlooked.

Sharing the Problem

Once you have identified potential advisors, it’s important to share the problem with them openly and honestly. Clearly articulate the details, challenges, and any emotions or concerns you may be experiencing. 

By doing so, you allow your advisors to have a comprehensive understanding of the situation, enabling them to provide more informed advice.

Active Listening

When seeking advice, it is crucial to practice active listening. 

Give your advisors your full attention and genuinely consider their insights and suggestions. 

Avoid jumping to conclusions or dismissing their viewpoints prematurely. 

Remember that seeking advice is about broadening your perspective and gaining new insights, even if they may challenge your initial assumptions.

Asking Thought-Provoking Questions

To gain a big-picture perspective, ask your advisors thought-provoking questions that encourage them to share their experiences and insights. 

Inquire about how they have approached similar situations in the past, what lessons they have learned, and any alternative viewpoints they can offer. 

By asking open-ended questions, you invite a deeper level of understanding and encourage your advisors to share their wisdom.

Reflecting and Synthesizing

After gathering advice from multiple sources, take time to reflect on the different perspectives offered. 

Consider how each viewpoint aligns with your values, goals, and the specific context of your situation. 

Look for common threads, overarching themes, or alternative approaches that may provide a fresh perspective on the problem at hand.

Making Informed Decisions

Armed with a big-picture perspective gained from seeking advice, you can now make more informed decisions. 

Evaluate the various insights you have received and consider how they align with your personal values and long-term objectives. 

While you may not always follow every piece of advice received, the collective wisdom you have gathered will enable you to make better-informed choices.

“I needed a logical answer, and that’s what you (Toby) gave me. That is what made all the difference. I went from “I don’t know what to do,” to “I know exactly what to do now.” Because you helped me to gain that perspective over the whole.”

— Shelley Carney

Recommendations and Action Steps

As we conclude our exploration of the importance of being open to new perspectives, it is essential to translate these insights into actionable steps. 

Taking proactive measures to cultivate open-mindedness can significantly impact our personal growth and relationships. Here’s an action step you can take this week:

Engage in a Meaningful Conversation

Reach out to someone with a different background or perspective and engage in a thoughtful conversation. It could be a coworker, a neighbor, or a friend with whom you haven’t had a deep conversation before. 

Approach the conversation with curiosity, open-mindedness, and a genuine desire to understand their perspective. Listen attentively, ask open-ended questions, and resist the urge to judge or debate. 

Seek common ground and look for opportunities to learn from their experiences. 

By actively engaging in this dialogue, you will not only broaden your own perspective but also foster empathy and connection with others.

Remember, the journey toward open-mindedness is ongoing. It requires consistent effort and a willingness to challenge our own biases and preconceived notions. 

Embrace diversity, seek new experiences, and actively listen to others. By doing so, you open doors to personal growth, empathy, and a richer understanding of the world around you.

So, take that first step this week and engage in a meaningful conversation that expands your horizons. Embrace the transformative power of being open to new perspectives, and watch as it positively impacts your life and those around you. 

Together, let’s create a more inclusive and understanding world, one conversation at a time.

The Power of NOW: Unlocking Your Dreams | A Gypsy’s Kiss Chapter 4 | Our Story Your Story

Listen to the podcast or watch the video – But do it now!

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Welcome to another captivating episode of Our Story Your Story with Shelley Carney and Toby Younis! In this exciting installment, we dive deep into the thrilling world of adventure and inspiration as we explore Chapter 4 of the book “A Gypsy’s Kiss: A Treasure Hunt Adventure.”

We describe the theme of this chapter as “Don’t wait to go after your dreams, do it now!” In this thought-provoking discussion, we will explore the empowering message and how it resonates with our own lives.

The Hero’s Journey: Telling Tales of Adventure and Growth

The Hero’s Journey is a timeless narrative structure that has been woven into the fabric of storytelling throughout history.

“The moment he invokes that plan, the moment he takes the first step to implement that plan, is the end of Act One and the beginning of Act Two, where the real adventures began, where the real challenges began, where the real excitement begins as much as a teenager on his own can have when it comes to excitement.”

— Toby Younis

It is a powerful framework that resonates deeply with our own personal journeys of adventure and growth.

Each of us is the hero of our own story, and within our tales of adventure, we discover profound opportunities for personal transformation.

Adventure Brings Growth

Adventure is not solely about seeking external thrills and adrenaline rushes. It is a catalyst for growth, both internally and externally.

Just as the hero of a story faces challenges, overcomes obstacles, and undergoes profound transformations, our own adventures shape us, challenge us, and push us to evolve. They provide us with fertile ground for personal growth, enabling us to discover our strengths, resilience, and untapped potential.

“Anything can be an adventure, depending on your perspective.”

— Shelley Carney

Often, when we think of adventure, we envision grand expeditions to distant lands or thrilling escapades filled with adrenaline. While those experiences certainly hold their own allure, it’s essential to remember that adventure is not limited to a specific set of activities.

Becoming a parent, for example, is an incredible journey of adventure. It is an opportunity to embark on a path of self-discovery, learning, and growth as you navigate the challenges and joys of raising a child.

Similarly, supporting your spouse through a terminal illness can be an extraordinary adventure of love, strength, and resilience.

It is during these moments of profound human experience we tap into our inner hero and find new depths of courage and compassion.

Adventure and growth are intertwined, regardless of the circumstances.

Adventure and personal growth are intrinsically intertwined, and they exist beyond the boundaries of traditional notions of excitement and novelty.

“What made my life, to me, an interesting life to lead was when somebody said, “We can’t find anybody to do this. Do you want to do it?” and saying yes.”

— Toby Younis

Every experience, whether it be joyful or challenging, holds the potential for growth and transformation.

By shifting our perspective and embracing the hero’s journey within the context of our own lives, we can find purpose, meaning, and personal development in even the most unexpected of circumstances.

Do not confine stories of adventure to epic quests or daring escapades alone.

The Hero’s Journey is a powerful lens through which we can view our own lives, finding growth, transformation, and personal development in every step we take.

Whether it’s exploring the world, becoming a parent, or facing life’s most challenging moments, adventure awaits us at every turn.

So, embrace your hero’s journey, share your tales of adventure, and recognize that growth is an integral part of the human experience. Let your stories inspire others to view their own lives through the lens of adventure and personal growth.

May your adventures be abundant, transformative, and filled with the wisdom that comes from the hero’s journey!

Passion for Adventure: Igniting the Flame Within

A family tradition of sharing stories

“And part of my dreams are fulfilled when I see my children fulfilling dreams from experiences they had with me, fulfilling miniature versions of my dreams.”

— Toby Younis

One of the beautiful aspects of cultivating a passion for adventure is when it becomes a shared experience within our families.

Many of us have fond memories of gathering around the fireplace or dinner table, listening to our parents or grandparents recount tales of their own daring adventures.

These stories kindle the flame within us, inspiring a desire to create our own remarkable tales and embark on thrilling journeys.

A desire for adventure and fear of waiting too long

Deep within us lies an inherent desire for adventure. It’s that longing for exploration, discovery, and exhilaration that comes from stepping into the unknown.

However, as we navigate daily life’s responsibilities and demands, it’s too easy to put off our dreams of adventure.

We may fear that we’re waiting too long, that time is slipping away and that our opportunities for grand adventures are diminishing. But let’s remember, it’s never too late to pursue our passions and embrace the spirit of adventure.

Each moment presents an opportunity to take that first step toward the extraordinary.

Importance of facing difficult experiences with a support system

Venturing into the realm of adventure can be both thrilling and challenging. We may encounter moments of doubt, fear, or even failure along the way.

The definition of adventure includes difficult life experiences, such as dealing with a spouse’s terminal illness. Getting through such challenges with the support of others can lead to personal growth and new opportunities.

“In order to make myself complete, my adventure is to get through this without completely falling apart.”

— Toby Younis

That’s why having a strong support system is essential. Whether it’s our family, friends, or a community of like-minded adventurers, they become our pillars of encouragement, providing the strength and guidance we need to face difficult experiences.

They remind us we are not alone in our journey and that we have a network of support to lean on during times of uncertainty.

With their unwavering belief in us, we can push past our limitations, conquer our fears, and truly embrace the transformative power of adventure.

Together, we can embark on adventures that shape us, push us beyond our limits, and create memories that will last a lifetime.

Embracing Adventure and Personal Growth: Seize the Day!

Life is a fleeting journey, and we firmly believe it’s crucial to make the most of it by embracing thrilling experiences, seeking personal growth, and pursuing our dreams.

Life is Finite: Carpe Diem!

Life is a precious gift, and we often find ourselves caught up in the hustle and bustle of our daily routines.

However, it’s essential to remember that life is finite. Each passing moment is an opportunity to create lasting memories, explore new horizons, and grow as individuals.

Adventure is about Growth, not just Fun

“I don’t think it was gross courage or gross stupidity… What caused me to say yes was confidence.”

— Toby Younis

When we think of adventure, we often envision thrilling escapades and adrenaline-pumping activities. While those can certainly exhilarate, the true adventure goes beyond the thrill.

It’s about stepping out of our comfort zones, embracing uncertainty, and challenging ourselves to grow.

Adventure acts as a catalyst for personal development, pushing us to discover our strengths, face our fears, and expand our horizons.

Don’t Put Off Dreams

“You’ve got to reach out and grab your dreams today because you don’t know what tomorrow might bring.”

— Shelley Carney

Far too often, we postpone our dreams, waiting for the perfect time or circumstances.

However, life has a way of passing by swiftly, and if we keep waiting, we risk missing out on incredible opportunities.

It’s crucial to remind ourselves that the time to pursue our dreams is now.

Whether it’s starting a business, traveling to a dream destination, or learning a new skill, taking that first step toward our aspirations is essential.

Embrace the uncertainty and trust in your abilities to bring your dreams to life.

Embrace the Power of Adventure for Personal Growth

“Because you grow so much, you learn so much, your world expands, and you have this whole new experience that just makes you into a different person.”

— Shelley Carney

Adventure and personal growth go hand in hand. Stepping into the unknown, challenging ourselves, and learning from new experiences fosters personal development and self-discovery.

It allows us to tap into our hidden potential, cultivate resilience, and broaden our perspectives.

Each adventure becomes a transformative journey that shapes who we are and helps us become the best version of ourselves.

Remember that life is too short to play it safe and stifle our dreams. Seize the day, step outside your comfort zone, and embark on new adventures that ignite your passion and foster personal growth.

Embrace the uncertainty, learn from the challenges, and relish in the joy of living a life true to your dreams.

Together, let’s make each day an extraordinary adventure!

Conquering the Fear of Abandonment: Understanding, Embracing, and Overcoming

In this captivating episode, we dive deep into the enchanting world of A Gypsy’s Kiss: A Treasure Hunt Adventure, focusing on chapter 3. Join us as we explore the profound theme of feeling abandoned and unravel its intricate layers.

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In this episode of Our Story Your Story, we explore the topic of abandonment and how it affects our lives. 

Toby shares personal experiences about how abandonment can trigger patterns of behavior and affect decisions. 

We also delve into the genetic evolution that has ingrained in humans a strong desire to belong to groups, and how divisiveness and tribalism arise. 

Through this episode, we learn the significance of analyzing our feelings and not getting stuck in negative emotions, but instead accepting changes that occur in our lives. 

“It’s not abandonment. It’s the end of a chapter or a section in your life, and it’s not going to kill you, and you can move on with whatever you need to do.”

— Toby Younis

The fear of abandonment is a complex emotion that can have various origins and influences. While it is difficult to pinpoint one specific cause for this fear, some theories suggest that it may have evolutionary roots. 

“I think part of the reason we as human beings all have a fear of abandonment is because our ancestors had a tribal mentality that if you were not integral to the tribe, if you were abandoned by the tribe, maybe especially if you were in a tribe that was nomadic or was moving, you had to keep up with them or you would die.”

— Shelley Carney

Human beings are social creatures, and throughout history, belonging to a tribe or community was crucial for survival. Being part of a group provided protection, resources, and support. 

“There’s a very strong genetic component for us to want to belong and that’s why we form groups. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. And I think that’s good for us. I think it’s gotten us this far.”

— Toby Younis

Therefore, it is plausible that the fear of abandonment could stem, in part, from an ancestral instinct to avoid isolation and ensure survival within a tribe. 

However, it’s important to note that the fear of abandonment can also be influenced by personal experiences, attachment styles, and individual psychological factors. It is a multifaceted emotion that is shaped by a combination of biological, psychological, and sociocultural factors.

The fear of abandonment is a deeply rooted emotion that can profoundly impact our relationships and overall well-being. Whether stemming from past experiences, attachment styles, or underlying insecurities, this fear can hold us back from forming deep connections and living a fulfilled life. 

In this article, we will delve into the origins of the fear of abandonment, explore its effects, and provide practical strategies to overcome it, fostering healthier relationships and personal growth.

Understanding the Fear of Abandonment

Exploring the Origins 

Unraveling the early life experiences and traumas that can contribute to the fear of abandonment can help us understand ourselves and our patterns of behavior.

Childhood experiences of neglect, rejection, or loss can leave a lasting imprint on our psyche, creating a deep-seated fear of being abandoned or left alone. 

These experiences might include parental separation, inconsistent caregiving, or emotional unavailability, all of which disrupt the formation of secure attachments. 

Traumatic events like the sudden loss of a loved one or repeated experiences of abandonment can further intensify this fear. 

By unraveling these early life experiences and understanding their impact, we gain valuable insights into the roots of our fear, empowering us to embark on a journey of healing and transformation.

Attachment Styles

Understanding attachment styles formed in childhood can provide profound insights into the ways they shape our adult relationships and contribute to the intensification of the fear of abandonment. 

A secure attachment style, formed through consistent and nurturing caregiving, fosters a sense of safety and trust in relationships. However, insecure attachment styles can lead to difficulties in navigating adult relationships, as they often involve patterns of anxious clinging, emotional distance, or a combination of both. 

These attachment patterns can amplify the fear of abandonment, leading to a constant fear of rejection, an overwhelming need for validation, or a tendency to push others away to protect oneself from expected abandonment. 

Recognizing our attachment style and its influence on our relationship dynamics allows us to gain awareness, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and work towards creating more secure and fulfilling connections in our adult lives.

“You get to choose what to focus on… you can have a much happier life that way.”

— Shelley Carney

Emotional Triggers 

Identifying common triggers that elicit feelings of abandonment is a crucial step in understanding and addressing the underlying causes of this fear. 

These triggers can vary from person to person but often involve situations or events that echo past experiences of abandonment or rejection.

Examples may include situations where there is perceived distance or lack of responsiveness from a partner, feelings of being excluded or left out, or even times when plans or promises are not fulfilled. 

By paying attention to these triggers, we can unravel their underlying causes. It may involve examining past relationships, exploring early life experiences, and recognizing any unresolved emotional wounds related to abandonment. 

Unraveling these causes provides an opportunity for healing and growth, allowing us to develop healthier coping mechanisms and create more secure and trusting relationships.

“It’s not abandonment. It’s the end of a chapter or a section in your life, and it’s not going to kill you, and you can move on with whatever you need to do.”

— Toby Younis

The Impact of the Fear of Abandonment

Self-Sabotaging Behaviors 

Examining the fear of abandonment and how it can lead to patterns of self-sabotage in relationships reveals the complex ways this fear can manifest. 

When gripped by the fear of being abandoned, individuals may unconsciously engage in behaviors that sabotage their relationships. 

One common pattern is pushing others away as a preemptive defense mechanism, creating distance and avoiding vulnerability to protect themselves from potential rejection. 

“This is a sort of passive-aggressive way, cutting off your nose to spite your face saying, I feel like they’re going to abandon me, so I’m going to abandon them first. I win.”

— Shelley Carney

Some individuals may become overly clingy or dependent, desperately seeking reassurance and validation to ease their fear of abandonment. 

“I feel like you’re abandoning me, so I’m angry because I need you here with me to be a part of my life so that I know who I am.”

— Shelley Carney

These self-sabotaging behaviors can create a cycle of instability and mistrust in relationships, often perpetuating the very abandonment fears they aim to avoid.

Recognizing these patterns and their underlying fear allows individuals to develop healthier coping strategies, build emotional resilience, and cultivate more secure and balanced connections based on trust and mutual understanding.

Emotional Distress 

There is an emotional toll that the fear of abandonment can have and a profound impact it can have on an individual’s well-being. 

The constant fear of being abandoned or rejected can lead to heightened levels of anxiety, as individuals may be constantly on edge, anticipating the loss of connection or love. 

This anxiety can manifest in various ways, such as excessive worry, restlessness, or even panic attacks. 

The fear of abandonment can contribute to feelings of deep sadness and depression, as individuals may struggle with a sense of unworthiness or a belief that they are ‌unlovable. 

This emotional burden can erode self-esteem, leading to a negative self-image and a constant need for external validation. The fear of abandonment can become a pervasive lens through which individuals perceive themselves and their relationships, creating a cycle of emotional distress. 

Trust Issues 

Understanding how the fear of abandonment can erode trust and hinder the formation of deep, meaningful connections is essential in recognizing its far-reaching impact on relationships. 

When plagued by this fear, individuals may find it difficult to trust others fully, as they are constantly on guard for signs of potential abandonment. 

This deep-rooted mistrust can manifest as skepticism, suspicion, or a constant need for reassurance, which can strain relationships and create barriers to intimacy. 

The fear of abandonment may also lead individuals to erect emotional walls, keeping others at a distance to protect themselves from potential hurt. This self-protective mechanism, although well-intentioned, can prevent the formation of genuine connections and prevent the exploration of vulnerability, which is vital for building meaningful relationships. 

By understanding how the fear of abandonment impacts trust, individuals can actively work on cultivating trust, developing open communication, and gradually allowing themselves to experience the richness of deep connections rooted in mutual trust and emotional safety.

Overcoming the Fear of Abandonment

“I can honestly say I don’t feel abandoned. I remember taking responsibility for it like this is my fault. Here’s what I did wrong in that situation. I think that’s a better way for me to look at it.”

— Toby Younis

Cultivating Self-Awareness

Recognizing and acknowledging the fear of abandonment is a crucial first step toward healing and growth. 

It requires a courageous act of self-reflection and honesty to confront and accept this deeply ingrained fear. 

Recognizing the fear of abandonment allows individuals to validate their emotions and experiences, fostering a sense of self-compassion and understanding. 

This recognition opens the door to seeking support, whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted loved ones, enabling individuals to gain insights, tools, and strategies to address the fear and embark on a healing journey. 

“It’s part of your feelings, but it’s part of that feeling that you like having because you can tell people I was abandoned.”

— Toby Younis

Healing Past Wounds 

Self-reflection exercises, such as journaling and mindfulness, offer opportunities to explore and process emotions, identify underlying beliefs, and nurture self-compassion. 

These practices facilitate a deeper understanding of the emotional wounds caused by abandonment, allowing individuals to heal and integrate these experiences into their lives in a more empowered and compassionate way. 

Building Healthy Relationships

Developing effective communication skills, setting boundaries, and fostering trust are key components for cultivating secure and fulfilling connections. 

Effective communication involves open and honest expression of thoughts, feelings, and needs, while actively listening and empathizing with others. 

By clearly articulating our boundaries, we establish a framework for mutual respect and create a sense of safety within relationships. Setting boundaries helps ensure we meet our needs while promoting healthy give-and-take dynamics. 

Fostering trust requires consistency, reliability, and integrity in our words and actions. It involves being trustworthy and extending trust to others. 

These skills empower individuals to form deeper bonds, resolve conflicts constructively, and navigate challenges with greater resilience, leading to relationships that are built on trust, respect, and mutual fulfillment.

Embracing Self-Love and Self-Worth 

Nurturing a positive self-image, practicing self-compassion, and cultivating resilience are powerful tools to counteract the fear of abandonment. 

Developing a positive self-image involves recognizing and appreciating our strengths, embracing our uniqueness, and acknowledging our inherent worthiness. 

Self-compassion entails treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, embracing imperfections, and offering ourselves the same compassion we would extend to others. 

Cultivating resilience involves building emotional strength and adaptability, learning from setbacks, and developing coping strategies to bounce back from challenges. 

By nurturing a positive self-image, practicing self-compassion, and cultivating resilience, we fortify ourselves against the fear of abandonment, building a solid foundation of self-worth and inner strength. 

These practices empower us to navigate relationships from a place of self-assuredness and create a sense of security within ourselves, ultimately diminishing the power of abandonment fears and fostering a greater capacity for love, connection, and personal fulfillment.

“You can’t take change personally…It’s just change. It’s not personal. You could make it personal if you want to, but why?”

— Toby Younis

Recommendation

The fear of abandonment can be a challenging emotion to confront, but it is not insurmountable. 

By understanding its origins, recognizing its impact, and implementing effective strategies, we can gradually overcome this fear and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships. 

This week, focus on practicing self-compassion.

Be kind and gentle with yourself, acknowledging and accepting your emotions without judgment. Treat yourself with the same understanding and compassion you would offer to a loved one. 

Engage in self-care activities, such as journaling, meditation, or hobbies that bring you joy. 

Remind yourself that it is normal to have fears and insecurities and that you deserve love and compassion. 

By cultivating self-compassion, you can start the journey of healing and nurturing a positive relationship with yourself, which will contribute to overcoming the fear of abandonment in the long run.

Our Story Your Story

We believe in the power of storytelling as a means of connection and self-reflection. Through the lens of this evocative theme, we invite you to join the conversation and delve into your own personal narratives. Feel free to engage with us in the comments section, as we cherish the opportunity to hear your stories and experiences on feeling abandoned.

Don’t forget to share your own stories with us by emailing us at stories@agkmedia.studio. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find A Gypsy’s Kiss: A Treasure Hunt Adventure book on Amazon at books.agkmedia.studio

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Unlocking Personal Growth: The Power of Making Good Choices, Taking Responsibility, and Expanding Your World

The power of choice is a topic that we all have to deal with in our lives. In this week’s episode, we explore the different ways in which choices impact our experiences and mental states.

We start by reading Chapter Two from A Gypsy’s Kiss: A Treasure Hunt Adventure. The themes we focus on in this chapter include the importance of making choices and the expansion of our world.

Listen to the podcast or watch the video – It’s your choice!

Click the subscribe button and the notifications bell so you don’t miss out!

The Power of Choice: “Had you been given a choice, would you have chosen to live at St. Mike’s? Would you have chosen to stay at home? You did miss your mom and your sister and your brothers, but at the same time, you were developing these stronger bonds with the people you were living with… And then I remember we talked about PTSD…you had the choice of going. You joined up, you decided you wanted to go to Vietnam…because it was your choice, you didn’t have that struggle. Whereas when you were sent to St Mike’s as a boarding student, you didn’t have that choice.”

— Shelley Carney

Making Choices: The Power of Long-Term Thinking

Every day, we are faced with choices. Some are small, like what to eat for breakfast or what shirt to wear, while others are much bigger, like where to live or what career to pursue. 

Regardless of the size of the choice, each decision we make has consequences, both positive and negative.

One of the most important aspects of making choices is considering the short-term versus long-term consequences. 

Short-term choices often have immediate rewards, while long-term choices may not yield benefits for months or even years. However, the long-term choices we make have the power to shape our lives and determine our success and happiness in the future.

For example, choosing to eat a healthy breakfast instead of a sugary one may not provide the same immediate satisfaction, but it can lead to better health and increased energy over time. Similarly, choosing to invest in a retirement fund early in life may not provide immediate financial benefits, but it can lead to a comfortable retirement in the future.

Making short-term choices without considering the long-term consequences can lead to negative outcomes. 

For instance, constantly procrastinating on important tasks may provide temporary relief, but it can cause missed deadlines and poor performance, ultimately affecting career prospects and personal growth. Similarly, consistently making impulsive purchases without considering their long-term impact on finances can lead to debt and financial stress.

The Hangover of Bad Decisions: “There’s always a hangover associated with a bad decision. When you get that feeling of regret, like the hangover, it’s your indication that the decision you made just before the hangover was a bad decision.”

— Toby Younis

The key to making good choices is to balance short-term and long-term thinking. 

It is essential to consider the immediate consequences of a decision and its potential impact in the future. Sometimes, short-term choices are necessary to address immediate needs or situations, but it is essential to understand their impact and make sure they do not negatively affect long-term goals.

Making good choices is a crucial aspect of personal growth and success. By considering the short-term versus long-term consequences of our decisions, we can ensure that our choices align with our goals and lead to positive outcomes in the future. By embracing a long-term mindset, we can cultivate the power to shape our lives and achieve the success and happiness we desire.

Choices shape our lives, and we must take charge of them. We cannot blame our parents or other external factors for the decisions we make. 

Taking Responsibility: The Key to a Better Life

One of the most significant barriers to making good choices and achieving success is blaming others for our problems. It is natural to feel frustrated and angry when things don’t go as planned, but blaming others can be counterproductive and hinder personal growth.

The Power of Choice: “Life is a combination of the choices that you have no choice about, things that happen in your life […] When those choices of which I don’t have control are made for me, I do have choices about what to do with them.”

— Toby Younis

Personal Responsibility: “We know it can be done and we can’t continue to blame and hold on to our upbringing…The choices you make today are what happens in your life today.”

— Shelley Carney

Taking responsibility for our choices and actions is the key to overcoming challenges and achieving our goals. When we accept responsibility for our mistakes, we gain control over our lives and can start changing to improve our situation. 

Blaming others can create a victim mentality that leaves us feeling powerless and stuck.

Taking responsibility also fosters a sense of accountability and integrity. By acknowledging our mistakes and taking steps to correct them, we show ourselves and others that we are reliable and trustworthy. This can lead to increased respect from colleagues, friends, and family members, and help us build stronger relationships.

Taking responsibility for our choices and actions can lead to personal growth and self-improvement. When we acknowledge our mistakes, we can learn from them and use that knowledge to make better choices in the future. This can lead to increased self-awareness and confidence, and ultimately, a better life.

When we let go of blame and victimhood and embrace accountability and integrity, we gain control over our lives and can start making positive changes that lead to a better future.

With the right mindset and approach, our choices can take us to new heights and enrich our experiences.

Expanding Our World: The Power of Travel and New Ideas

While making good choices and taking responsibility for our actions are crucial for personal growth, expanding our world through travel and new ideas is also essential. Travel exposes us to new cultures, customs, and perspectives, broadening our horizons and enriching our lives.

Expanding Our Worldviews: “My world is as good as I would choose it to be.”

— Toby Younis

Traveling to different parts of the world can help us gain a deeper understanding of the global community and foster a sense of empathy and compassion for people from different walks of life. It can also challenge our preconceptions and biases, helping us to grow as individuals and become more open-minded.

In addition to travel, exposing ourselves to new ideas and experiences can also help us expand our world and achieve personal growth. This can include reading books outside of our usual genres, trying new hobbies, or engaging in conversations with people who hold different opinions than our own.

By expanding our world, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and opportunities that we may not have considered before. It can help us break free from old patterns and ways of thinking, and ultimately, lead to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

Expanding our world allows us to gain a deeper understanding of the world around us and challenges us to become more open-minded and empathetic. By embracing new experiences and perspectives, we can expand our horizons and achieve a more fulfilling life.

Recommendations

Making good choices is crucial for personal growth and success. It requires taking responsibility for our actions, being accountable for our mistakes, and being open to new ideas and experiences. By doing so, we can gain control over our lives and achieve a more fulfilling and meaningful existence.

To make good choices, take some time to reflect on your values and priorities. Identify areas of your life that need improvement and consider how your choices and actions may have contributed to the situation. Be honest with yourself and take responsibility for your role in the matter.

Next, make a plan to address the issues you’ve identified. Outline concrete steps you can take to change your life. Consider seeking support from friends, family, or professionals who can help you achieve your goals.

Finally, embrace new experiences and ideas. Whether it’s through travel, reading, or engaging in new hobbies, exposing yourself to new perspectives can help you grow as a person and achieve personal fulfillment.

Making good choices is not always easy, but it’s a crucial step toward achieving personal growth and success. 

By taking responsibility for our actions, being accountable for our mistakes, and being open to new experiences and ideas, we can create a better future for ourselves and those around us.